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Internal Memo
Internal Memo


IF YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS, YOU ARE ENTRUSTED WITH THIS LEVEL OF KNOWLEDGE. THIS IS NEED-TO-KNOW.
Chalk
  • To: J.H. Dewalt, CFO
  • From: Legal Department
  • Subject: Earnings Call Guidelines

We are currently onboarding your team with the full documentation and particulars regarding the quarterly earnings call. Legal council will be on hand during the call, should you need them. This is merely a precaution. If you focus on the following guidelines, any other council should be unnecessary.

  • Keep the call focused on the numbers and the products. If things stray, gently nudge it back. Remember, you are not avoiding anything, you are merely keeping the conversation on track as there is much to cover in a short time.
  • Shy away from terms like "immortality." Frame significant increases in human life expectancy as a future goal to aspire towards. An exciting development, but in the comfortable distance. “In the meantime, we at Tythonic endeavor to increase the quality of life in everyone’s later years.” Steer the narrative in this direction.
  • Never get defensive. Allow accusations to dangle in the air awkwardly, until they show themselves to be paranoid conspiracy theories without having to even point this out yourself. If you keep your cool long enough, these people gaslight themselves.
  • Never say the name Pillar. If it is brought up, say you have no knowledge. If specific incidents are mentioned, say, “The international security needs of Tythonic are such that we rely on outsourced companies to keep us in compliance with a given country’s laws, comprising a vast network of security entities globally, too numerous to properly cover within the scope of this quarterly earnings call.”
  • Under NO circumstances are you to mention or allow the conversation to drift towards [REDACTED].

These are mostly formalities and due diligence. These calls always run smoothly.

Sincerely,

B. Jenkin

Legal Department

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